I wrote previously about a little zine I had stumbled upon called Rad Dad about "Radical Parenting" for fathers. Well I didn't get a chance to talk about what it was that I found so excellent about this zine and, I light of my last post I wanted specifically address one of the articles I found especially poignant. Below is an excerpt from the article credited only to "Cardel".

Everything I've learned about women in my adult life has come from lovers. My wife, and girlfriends. I used to konw alot from television, but it's turned out to be mostly untrue. I also had two older cousins who, four years my senior, were responsible for showing me what women were all about. Mainly that they have something that I want but can't have. I couldn't really explain what it was, but it was there when they danced to Madonna and Appallonia 6. When their boyfriends Andre and Tom came over -on chrome Mongoose bikes, in Vans, with two diagonal parts in their heads – they were every kind of man I didn’t know how to be. They were what my cousins wanted. I was what my cousins were stuck with. To me, that was what women were; beautiful, untouchable people who were nice to you because you were related to them, and because the better men weren’t home from school yet. And now this newest woman. Though we’ve only been seeing each other for 21 months at the time of this writing, we’ve grown very close. It’s like she’s known me her whole life. For my part, I can’t remember what I ever did before her. Between you and me she’s damn cute. Possibly as cute as my wife, which is a hard thing to be. … Dads look on their daughters with a kind of fear, confusion and overwhelming love that often manifests itself in a manic desire to control. It’s as if by keeping them locked away from the world, we can all undo the wrong that every man has done/ All the wrong that we have done. Kat, and Tara, Jill and Jo, Gabby, Rebekah, Kate Rachel, and Dante can all tell you that I’m not really a bad guy. They can also tell you that I’m not a great boyfriend… Have you ever looked at a picture of yourself and cried? I have. Recently. Today. I cried because Georgia is a chance to maybe right what I have done wrong. What if I make sure she knows that she’s nothing less than beautiful, that she’s nothing less than whole? What if I make sure she knows that her loving is a miracle, and how deeply she’s connected to my soul? What if I make sure she knows that she’d smart; funny, precious, tough, and capable of anything? What if I make sure she knows that she is as good as human beings come, and so strong that she needn’t fear loving anyone or anything? That her heart will be broken, but it will also be healed? What if I told her everything I should have told Kat, and Tara, Jill and Jo, Gabby, Rebekah, Kate Rachel, and Dante. I still have a chance with Jo, because she has given me the rest of her life to get it right. But the others have moved on to find men more capable of loving. I am Georgia’s first boyfriend. Scary, I know. It smacks of an overprotective father, but it’s true. I am the one who shows her how a man should love her. I think of this daily; hourly in fact. I take every opportunity to try and be right to her. How else will she know when someone is loving her well, or poorly?

Some pretty heavy stuff I know, but I think there is alot behind this. I too have had most of my education on women through relatives and lovers. The children of one of three sons, my brother and I are two of 6 grandsons; there are alot of men in my family. When Cardel says "Dads look on their daughters with a kind of fear, confusion and overwhelming love that often manifests itself in a manic desire to control." I understand completely what he means. I can barely communicate with the woman I am dating, how am I supposed to act around this woman who looks up to me and depends on me for everything. While at first the statement a daughter is "a chance to maybe right what I have done wrong" comes off presumptious at first, consider this. As children we are socialized by our environment, we form our ideas of social dynamics by watching and interacting with adults. And while there are other factors and influences than parents, they still are a big part and the first influence on a child. And so as a Father, it is your responsibility to teach your daughter what to demand from the world. To tell her that she's just as good and capable as any man out there and doesn't have to put up with anyones bullshit. And, for that matter, its a father's responsibility to teach his sons how to treat women as well. There's a quote from John Q, when Denzel Washington has taken the hospital hostage and thinks he is going to die. He turns to his son and starts giving him as much fatherly advice as he can pack into 2 minutes and tells him "Treat girls like princesses, because that's what they are." While some may object to the choice of words as mildly partiarchal, the point I think he is try to convey is "treat women with respect, always". I've often heard it said that having children is an ultimate statement of faith, in yourself and the world. In your ability to provide a nurturing place for a person to grow, and in the world to become a better place than it currently is. But I sincerly believe that the only way change actually happens is through young people. The only way high ideals we espouse like equality and respect will ever take root is through them.